Of course this shopping trip ended in the typical tears, snot, 'I hate myself' moment on the floor of my dressing room.
Which is no big deal to me, I've perfected this moment, (lol)
but it shocked Joel.
He was so sad for me.
It hurt him to see me like that.
I remember him trying to make me feel better,
telling me that I was beautiful and things like that.
I thanked him and said, "I'm so glad you like big girls."
He looked at me confused and said,
"I don't like big girls, I like you."
This hit me hard.
I understood everything he was trying to say in this simple sentence.
I understood that I had found true love.
When we started dating Joel began a tradition of telling me everyday that I was beautiful, twice.
Once from him and once from God.
He was trying to change the way I thought about beauty,
he was trying to change the way I thought about myself.
Still don't understand what I am saying?
Let me introduce to you my husband;
"I'm not in love with big girls. I'm not a "chubby chaser" or anything similar. I AM attracted to my wife, and she is beautiful in every way. I don't define her by what she weighs on a scale. She's everything I want in a woman: she loves Jesus, she's smart, has great curves, is sexy, beautiful, hilarious, social (which is good, because I'm not so much), loving, quirky, interesting (never a dull moment with this one), ambitious, intuitive, has great fashion sense, creative, and has a gorgeous singing voice.
I thought Mary Helen was beautiful when I first met her in ministry school. As I got to know her, I knew I'd never met anyone like her before. She captivated me from the start, and once I got to know her I was completely hooked. Also, I'm a musician, so when I heard Mary Helen sing and show such passion in a worship setting at our youth group, something clicked. After that, it wasn't long before I knew she was the one.
If I first met Mary Helen at the weight she wishes she could be now, events would have played out the same way they did. I'm not in love with chubby girls, and I'm not in love with skinny girls. I'm in love with Mary Helen, and no matter what weight she is, that won't change. To me, her weight wasn't a factor in my decision to marry her. She's the greatest person I know. Just today (Valentines Day), instead of focusing only on me and herself, which would totally be fine on Valentine's Day, she decided to take me to her elderly clients and give them Valentine's and let them know she loved them. How sweet is that? And she's always like that.
The take away here is this: don't dismiss people because they don't fit the standards of what the world considers beautiful. If you do, you could blind yourself to the most beautiful person you'll ever meet, and even your potential future spouse :)
She doesn't have to try for me,
my love for her is unconditional."
(Okay it's me again)
Sometimes it's hard for me to understand that,
but I am loved.
Not for what I weigh,
not for my successes, but for who I am.
Girls, there is a big love out there,
for skinny and big alike.
Maybe you are thinking you've made such huge mistakes that you don't deserve love,
or maybe you don't look like all those faces on yours magazines you buy.
Don't count yourself out.
The big love is on its way.
You'll find it in a savior,
and you'll find that savior living in the heart of a man who will love you through it all.
So maybe you are big,
maybe you messed up big,
but just promise me that you'll never count yourself out for that big love.
Well until next time